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Sunday, 22 April 2012

Awkward Moments

In life, I have these things... they are the most horrifying experiences I will ever have! They are the worst and you don't even know they're coming until they are (BAAAAMMM!!!) in your face! And by that time it is too late to stop them. But it isn't only me, yeah that's right... It happens to everyone! But at that moment when they happen and punch you in the face, you feel like you are the only person in the world that is stupid enough to let that happen. Well, let me tell you that you aren't! Everyone experiences these heart-wrenching, stomach-turning, eye-twitching experiences! These things are called AWKWARD MOMENTS! 

And I am here to give you advice on what to do once these awkward moments smack you in the face so that the situation can be less awkward for you! (This won't make it less awkward for the other person... but they made it awkward for you in the first place).

Here are a few handy hints:

1) Okay, so you are talking to a person and they are standing right on top of you, well... extremely close. We all know there is an unwritten law which says that if you are just having a conversation with someone you should stand at least like an arm-length away (or something like that... far enough for it not to be awkward) from the other person. Standing any closer so that at least one person feels awkward is totally unacceptable, it should be against the law it is so wrong!

The problem: One person is stand too freaking close and it is making you feel weird and awkward!

The Solution: Lick the other person real good and make THEM feel awkward!

Sorted! (No need to thank me!)

2) The next awkward moment is the dreaded 'awkward silences'. These normally occur with people you don't know that well, which makes it even more awkward. Face it... these are the moments when you would rather be licking the floor with your friends than awkwardly not talking to a stranger.

The problem: The other person is stupidly not talking and you don't know what to say and it's making you feel awkward!

The Solution: You have to make a noise and there's only one noise appropriate. Burp. 

Quick. Simple. Easy. (Please hold your applause!)

3) Talking to someone who has bad breath. I mean, it's really not pleasant and is making you want to vomit up all your food and it's really not right for them making you feel like that. You can't stand for it! You need to take a step to improve the situation so that you don't feel awkward and smell the bad whiff that the other person expects you to persevere with!

The problem: A person who you're talking to has really bad breath and making you want to vomit and feel awkward!

The Solution: Whip out a board and reflect that shameful, shocking smell! 

Consider it done. (I know, I'm a genius!)

4) The horrifying, horrendous, awful, dreaded experience when you greet someone and you go in for the handshake and they go in for the over-friendly hug (seriously... there is a reason you went in for the handshake and not the hug, shouldn't they sense that). It is really awkward and you don't know what to do and there is never enough time to switch, it's a real problem... a real awkward problem!

The problem: The old one goes in for a hug-the other a handshake and there is never enough time to switch and it makes you feel so so so awkward!

The Solution: I, honestly have NO idea. If anyone knows please tell me! PLEASE!!!!

So. Awkward. I didn't even know.

Okay, so that was 4 awkward moments and solutions to them (well... most of them). There are plenty more awkward moments, but that would be longer than the never-ending story! 

I hope that helps and GOOD LUCK in your next awkward moment! 

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